Don't be rude
by icycoolcatz
Summary: Luffy and Usopp steal Zoro's clothes while he is in the shower. hilarity ensues. POST THRILLER BARK (not obvious) no pairings even if you squint. rating for nudity. Enjoy! ʕノ•ᴥ•ʔノ


Zoro stood in the shower, letting the warm water wash away this week's collection of blood, sweat, and general grime. He ran his fingers through his hair and grabbed the shampoo bottle. He squirted a generous amount into his hand.

Suddenly he heard a click, like someone had opened the trap door into the bathroom. He poked his head around the curtain and peered into the steamy room. The trapdoor was closed and that everything seemed as how he had left it; he shrugged and ducked back in to the warmth of the shower.

He was scrumbling his fingers through his hair, working up a thick strong smelling foam, when he heard it again:

Click-chlink shfffkk

He pushed back the curtain just in time to see a rubber hand pull his clothes and his katanas down the trap door and out of sight.

Luffy and Usopp sat at the bottom of the stairs giggling quietly at each other. Luffy had Zoro's clothes and Usopp his swords.

Usopp considered that of the two he seemed to be carrying the more dangerous cargo. He stood to chance against a calm Zoro, much less an angry one. This was a man who could set stray cats on fire just by looking at them for too long. (It's the truth! He'd seen it happen)

He was about to voice this to the still laughing Luffy but before he could get any words out they heard a low bellow.

"LUFFY!" Zoro roared

"Scatter!" Luffy yelped and they both took off for the boy's cabin.

Nami sipped on her iced tea and thumbed through a book on winter islands that Robin had lent her. Robin herself was sitting a few feet away sipping on her own fruity tea and enjoying the dappled sunshine from her seat on the swing.

Nami sighed and leaned back against the rough bark of the tree.

"More tea, Nami-swan?" came a doofy, sing-song voice.

"Oh, yes please" Nami said kindly to the blond as he topped of her glass.

Sanji then turned to Robin, presumably to ask her the same question but we'll never really know. For all we know he could have very well been about to ask her about her opinion on the color red or what her favorite dinosaur is. Really. In that instance he could have asked her anything, but again, we'll never know because he never got to ask.

For at that moment they heard Zoro scream Luffy's name and Luffy shout something back. Sanji straightened, on alert, wary of any possible threat to his Nami-swan and Robin-chwan.

Usopp suddenly came shooting down the slide. As he hit the deck he tucked ad rolled, without missing a step he took off for the boy's cabin.

Sanji was confused. The sniper had been carrying something that had looked a lot like Zoro's swords. But that'd be silly. Why would, Usopp, of all people risk Zoro's wrath?

He wasn't given much time to ponder this however because, all of a sudden he was hit by something, hard. Something that was wearing a bright red vest and a straw hat.

The two of them went sprawling across the deck. A tangle of limbs and iced tea.

Sanji was about to ask Luffy what the hell he thought he was doing but the rubber man didn't let him.

Luffy shoved his feet into Sanji's diaphragm and used him, basically, as a human launching pad as he too took off for the boy's cabin

Sanji lay in the pool of iced tea for a moment, clutching at his bruised ribs. He could see a beautiful sea. His All Blue. And Nami, Nami was there too. He powerful mermaid tail pushing her to him. She embraced him. He sighed happily and was about to wrap his arms around her when she let out a cry of fear and surprise.

Sanji's eyes snapped open and he sat up. His All Blue was gone but Nami was still there. Sill leaning against the tree, but something was different. Something white was splattered across her face and hair.

"Nami-swan!" He raced up to her and began wiping off the offending substance with the driest part of his sleeve.

His first thought was bird poop, it had happened before, but this stuff was different. First of all it looked like foam, and second it smelled strongly of citrus and pine.

He could hear Robin sniggering and he followed her gaze up the railing on to the upper deck.

It was Zoro.

He was half pitched over the railing, staring off in the direction where Luffy and Usopp had ran to.

The waves of rage the rolled off the swordsman were dampened by the fact that he hadn't rinsing the bubbles out of his hair, he was still sopping wet, and was dressed only in a towel.

His right hand was wrapped up the the towel holding it up, his left was white knuckled on the riling.

Zoro's head whipped around, searching for Luffy and Usopp. As he did, flecks of foam rained down on the trio below.

"Give them back you long-nosed freak!" Zoro roared over the ship.

Sanji heard Usopp scream.

"There!" Zoro shouted and he vaulted himself over the railing.

But Zoro made two very big mistakes:

One: When he jumped he put both of his arms out for balance and a controlled landing. With his right hand being the only thing holding the towel to his body it flew off and landed in the grass in front of Nami.

Two: Zoro had managed to further piss off and already angered cook, who had just had the wind knocked out of him and his iced tea wasted. Sanji was sticky and angry, and when Zoro had the gall to fling foam all over his precious Nami swan his patience broke.

So, midway through his jump Sanji raised his leg, leapt up and kicked Zoro square in the back as hard as he dared.

Zoro hit the deck, hard, but he was quickly on his feet. He rounded on the cook, and was now facing Nami and Robin.

Nami gave a high pitched squeal at the sight of Zoro's naked body and covered her eyes. Robin followed up with a sharp cough of embarrassment and an averted gaze.

Zoro, somehow, took no notice and grabbed the cook's collar.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing curly brow!?" Zoro growled.

In response Sanji lifted his leg again a swung it a Zoro's shoulder. Zoro blocked the kick easily with his arm but his still skidded a few feet to the side.

"I should be asking you that!" Sanji snapped, "Have some tact!"

"Tact?" Zoro parroted. He looked down and for the first time realized his predicament. His face went beet red.

His eyes flicked from Sanji, to the girls, to Sanji, to the girls, back to Sanji. It was like he was watching the world's fastest game of ping pong.

He hunched forward and covered himself, reflexively throwing an arm across his chest.

With the foam in his hair and the rather "Feminine" pose, he looked like one of the girls from the magazines under Sanji's bed. On steroids.

He took a step back. Then another.

The silence stretched painfully between them.

Zoro let out what might have been a whimper but was actualy a bit back scream and took off for the boy's cabin.

An uncomfortable silence stretched between the three straw-hats on deck for what seemed like several minutes but was actually only about 10 seconds.

Sanji then bent down and picked up the "discarded" towel and used it to mop up what was left of the iced tea and the remains of the pitcher.

"It's strange" Robin finally said.

"What is?" said Sanji and Nami. Sanji's voice was level but Nami still sounded flustered.

"I always thought he dyed his hair." Robin said smoothly.

Nami and Sanji took a few seconds to process that then burst out laughing. They were laughing so hard that they almost didn't hear the screams from below deck.

Almost.

About twenty minutes later Zoro emerged from below deck, fully clothed, thank God, and dragging Luffy and Usopp. When he got to the lawn deck he threw them down none to gently. Chopper raced up and began to treat their wounds.

Usopp's face was horribly swollen, he had two black eyes and his nose was bent like an accordion

Luffy had fared no better, but he was covered in little nicks from Zoro's swords in addition to his multitude of bruises.

Not that Zoro had come out of this unharmed. He had a huge bruise on his left cheek and his lip was split but other than that he seemed unharmed.

He carefully peered around the mast at the group that was still relaxing under the tree.

Sanji had braved the chaos and had changed his clothes. He now wore a white button up, and a blue tie with black slacks and sandals.

Nami and Robin where he had left them, though now they were sipping on something a bit "stronger" then iced tea.

He stepped out from behind the mast and they spotted him instantly. The conversation that name and Robin where having fell quiet. Sanji shifted on his feet and the platter of snacks he was holding teetered slightly.

Zoro cleared his thought and you could have cut the tension with a knife.

Sanji was still angry at Zoro for daring to expose himself to a lady. Nami and Robin, however, had an evil glint to their eyes.

Zoro threw his hand to the back of his head then drew it back just as quickly, disgusted. He had never properly washed the suds from his hair and they had, sort of, dried leaving his hair a sticky mess.

"Uh….." he started "Sorry?" he tried.

"Don't worry about it," Robin soothed "It's _not that big_ of a deal." Robin gave Nami a sidelong look and Nami rolled her eyes. It was a weak jab and someone as slow as Zoro would never pick up on it.

True to Nami's prediction Zoro just looked confused at Robin's strange inflection. He looked to Nami for an answer.

"Yeah," she said "It's just a _little_ thing. What are you getting so worked up for?"

After a second the gears in Zoro's brain began to and his face turned from embarrassed and apologetic to a dark scowl.

"S'cold." He snipped.

"What're you talking about _moss balls?_ " Sanji laughed catching on "Those three swords a compensation for something?"

"Would you shut up!?" Zoro snapped.

"Hey, no need to get so aggressive swordsman-san." Robin waved as she stood. She took the tray from Sanji and presented it Zoro.

"Want a _miny wiener_? They're really good." She said kindly.

That was the last straw. Zoro threw up his hands in exasperation and stormed off muttering under his breath about witches, currlybrows, and uncalled for comments.

The group watched him retreat and only when they heard the bathroom door shut did they burst into laughter.


End file.
